Ulquiorra Schiffer real estate agent extrordinaire
by Mira-cle Skye
Summary: Ulquiorra is a real estate agent, the best there is. Now he has to get a home for the Kurosaki couple. Not that it will be hard, his competition is pretty pathetic... The only obstacle is the opinion of the buyer. Total crack. Written by Mira.


**Based on a comment that Skye just randomly said, followed up by saying that that was what she pictured working as... I just had to write it.**

**Disclaimer: Well, I think you guys get the idea by now... But there is Skye in here... Read our other fics to get some info about her, if you want.**

**Warning:**** Contains totally randomness, strangeity, made up words, and implied IchiHime with an incredible OOC Ichigo. Oh, and Ulquiorra as a real estate agent... extrordinaire. And contains everyones favorite, eccentric witch, Skye Marie Thropp! **

A knock sounded on the door to apartment of the newly married Kurosakis.

"Could you get that dear?" Orihime asked her husband Ichigo as she cleaned up the breakfast dishes, "I think it's the real estate agent."

"Will do, Honey." Ichigo replied, walking toward the front door.

"Hello." He greeted the man standing in the doorway. He was tall and pale with dark hair, green eyes with these strange teal tattooed stripes running down underneath them, and an expressionless face.

"Hello, I am your real estate agent, Ulquiorra Schiffer." The man greeted.

"Please come in." Ichigo said, stepping out of the way to let the man in.

"Thank you. I have some houses that you may be interested in." Ulquiorra said.

"That's fantastic! Did you hear that Honey, he said he already has some houses we might want to check out!"

"Fabulous! We should bring a picnic lunch!" Orihime brought her hands together in front of her face in joy, complete with a huge smile.

"Umm, sure?" Ulquiorra tried, not quite sure what to say.

"Just let me quickly pack that up and then we can go!" Orihime said, hurrying back into the kitchen, "Oh, this is going to be so much fun!"

"I'm sure you will love my wifes cooking, I sure do. If we're lucky, we might get some red bean paste and tortellini sandwiches."

Ulquiorra was silent, he really didn't know what to say to that. A few minutes later Orihime came back with a picnic basket.

"What are we having?" Ichigo asked excitedly.

"It's a surprise!" Orihime said with glee.

"I can't wait!" And with that, the trio left the house.

-

"Here is our first house," Ulquiorra informed, "Currently owned by Byakuya Kuchiki." They stood a ways off, observing the house. "And if you look on the roof, you will see my competition standing on it for reasons beyond me. Her name is Skye Thropp."

The girl, Skye, was just walking along the roof absentmindedly with her brunette curls bouncing, not really seeming to pay attention when she slipped and fell of the roof, her foot catching the edge at the last minute so she was hanging off the roof by one foot.

"Not much competition, is she?" Ichigo asked.

"No, not really." Ulquiorra replied.

A man with longish black hair with these strange looking tube like things in his hair. He looked up at the girl hanging off of his roof. She waved timidly at him.

"I know what this looks like," She paused and sighed, "And it is totally what it looks like."

"What are you doing on my roof." The man demanded.

"You know what, I'd really like to know that myself. I was just walking around, inspecting the house and then bam- I was on the roof. I don't think I was paying attention to where I was going..."

"That still doesn't explain how you got up there."

"Then I'll just have to get back to you on that one."

"I would appreciate it if you got off of there."

"I would if I could, honey."

"Don't call me honey."

"Toots?"

"Not on your life."

"Aww..."

"Get over it."

"Well I can't just call you man."

"You could just call by my name."

"But your name is just so... namey"

"Just call me Byakuya."

"But I didn't know you were called Byakuya."

"Yes you did."

"No I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

"Whatever. Can you please just get me down from here?"

"Get down yourself."

"I can't. Would you get me down if I told you that you scare me a bit?"

"Maybe."

"Well, you scare me a bit."

"No, still not letting you down." And then Byakuya walked off.

"Wait! Don't go! Byakuya! Byakuya! I think a bee just flew up my shirt!"

"Wouldn't it be that a bee flew _down _her shirt?" Orihime asked from their position a ways off.

"Well dear, she is upside down." Ichigo replied thoughtfully.

"Good point."

"Your still paying me!" Skye yelled after Byakuya as the blood rushed to her head.

All of a sudden, a bald man can running up to the house, yelling some nonsensical words and weilding a wooden sword. He ran up to Skye and hit her with the sword, causing her to fall of the roof.

"Agh! What was that for, Ikkaku!?"

"Oh, Skye. I thought you were someone who wanted to assassinate Byakuya."

"Well, after what happened, I kinda do..."

"Well, we must get going." Ulquiorra suddenly said and the trio walked off, leaving the house behind them.

-

"Those were all the houses I had to show you today. I can come up with some more if you would like." Ulquiorra said as they sat at the park with a lunch of red bean paste and tortellini sandwiches, just as Ichigo had hoped.

"Oh, I don't know. I kinda liked that first one..." Orihime said thoughtfully.

"Me too." Ichigo agreed, "We would like the chance to check it out better sometime."

"I am sure that I can arrange that." Ulquiorra said, for he would. He would get this couple a house if it was the last thing he did, for he was Ulquiorra Schiffer- real estate agent extrordinaire.


End file.
